That bloody, rear view mirror just wont go away. Here I am, over 50, dating and still looking back far too often. Boy have I been lucky. I have met and fallen in love with a drop dead gorgeous, intelligent, humerous woman who for some reason loves me back despite the big nose and dodgy dance moves. Lifes a breeze and we are going to live together. Probably self build our own house. For all of that I still look back with regret at what has gone wrong for me in the past and particularly the last five years with a woman i believed was the love of my life. Maybe it’s human nature to look back and wonder what might have been? At our age we all have ex partners who we thought the world of and probably believed would see us out. Perhaps my problem is that I don’t keep stuff in. Maybe I should keep it all in but then i would not be me any more. So tell me please, am I the only over 50 out there who has got lucky but still gets maudlin and regretful about the past?

Do you remember how nervous you were on your first date? Was it bravado or bluster that got you through it? Being scared silly of rejection isn’t just for the under 21’s. Fear is a constant, it’s how you react to it that’s key.”Brave People” are the ones that get on with it, they decide that fear is to heavy, they go on dates, put their focus on other people and have a bit of fun. Doing dating is a confidence booster if you have the right tools.

Dating just for fun, lose your fear, don’t expect too much too soon. Be curious about your date; think of all the other experiences you have had, (some good some bad) think of what you might be missing if you don’t enter into the dating arena.

Every beautiful female, and all the manly studs, must have had some doubts at some time.

Confidence isn’t just about being good looking, smooth, intelligent etc… It’s about having a belief system; just believing you are confident is the first step in achieving confidence. Makes you think. Try the following (it works)

• Firm Handshake (Females Included) don’t crush it, or touch it too lightly. A hand held out in friendship sends a message to the recipient. It tells them you are engaging, unafraid, an equal. It works in both a business and personal setting.
• Make eye contact. Eyes are the windows to the soul, what a great cliché. Willingness to meet someone else’s gaze puts you on an equal footing.
• Stand tall, posture counts, a straight back denotes purpose and strength.
• Smile, it convinces people that you are healthy and happy. Frowning is aging!

It’s okay to feel apprehensive on your first date, make sure the adrenalin rush works for you, it is more than likely you have been in this situation before, and survived, what’s the worse thing that can happen? Confidence is that quiet inner voice that controls the more obvious outer show.

Over 50 and expecting the worse?

So here I am with my new partner and as happy as can be. We hit it off completely and are chalk and cheese to our previous partners. I for instance, take pride in looking after myself, cooking, cleaning whatever. I simply have never believed that its a womans place to do this stuff. Its a shared duty and quite frankly I enjoy doing my bit (particularly the cooking. Now my partners previous and her son believe that its a womans place to tidy up their rubbish and this preys on her mind as if I am going to change my outlook and become more of what she knew previously. I on the other hand love the fact she loves my kids but often venture into the past to talk about how this wasn’t always the case with my ex.

You can tell when someone really hates you. They sneer and glower and avoid your company. It’s a bit different with dating as it’s more often a slow process of disconnection beit date one or date three. Sure signs are lack of eye contact, sullenness with little verbal interaction, focusing on themselves or physically with bad body language. Read the signs and don’t go flogging a dead horse.

This is probably 1973 and I am in the navy aged 18. My mum worked in a shop and fixed me up with a blind date with a colleague, Gaynor. I made the mistake of telling my navy chums and so Gaynor became Gay Norman! I hade never been out with a girl and no wonder. I was short, big eared and long toothed not to mention fashion challenged. She greeted me with a look of embarrassed loathing as we met for a meal followed by disco (remember disco?). The meal was rapid as she suggested we skip starter and desert. The disco was the first I had been in and I had never danced since winning my junior school twisting competition in 1965!

We had one dance together and then she copped off with another guy on the other side of the room. With the sound of “hi ho silver lining” ringing in my ears, I set off for the bus stop to get myself home. Unfortunately, I was hit on the head and robbed by a youth using a metal drinking vessel as a cosh.

So, no silver lining for me and no Gaynor. Still my mum did make me a Ovaltine.

You are not the first person to have had a relationship break down. In fact you may have a friend who is enjoying dating, online or otherwise again right now. This person may have got their confidence back by now and feeling a whole lot better about life and their own self worth. Why not grab a cuppa and let them help you with their story and positive advice?

I once knew a man who was always in a relationship. He was what is called a serious monogamist and as soon as one relationship finished he was into the next. I asked him why and he said he hated being on his own and so he made sure it never happened. This meant that he always looked before he leaped and left a trail of unhappy women behind him.

My friend hung on in with incompatible women and sometimes took flak he didn’t deserve because of his fear of loneliness.

This chap (and there are many men and women like this) was the dating industries best friend until he read a self help book and decided that he was going to try and make a go of being himself for three months without looking for a new date.

Three months turned into six and with each passing day his fear of being alone left him and he felt more confident. Eventually he went back onto the internet dating site and met a lovely lady for the right reasons and not the wrong ones. They are now married and aged 50 plus as happy as they have ever been in their life.

The moral of the story? Sometimes taking one step back is the best way of taking two steps forward when looking for a new and permanent relationship.

My Mum never would let me go to bed on the back of a telling off. She believed that very little was worth carrying on as soon as her point was made and understood.

Going to bed angry and/or upset was the precursor to waking up stressed and ready to confront another day with a negative energy.

So it is with relationships. Sure enough, if your partner has just confessed to an affair with your best friend or to having gambled the mortgage money on the 3.15 at ascot, you have a right to stay peeved for a while.

Most arguments are over nothing much. Make it a rule to make up before bedtime and sleep well. You might even indulge yourselves in a bit of hanky panky to celebrate!

How do you show your other half that you love them? Is it flowers and chocolates or perhaps a special meal out at MacDonalds (joking). Now I am not belittling anything that you do because there are many of us out there who don’t receive any appreciation at all. What I would consider are the many other ways that you can show how much you care.

How about cleaning up or changing the sheets when it isn’t your turn? Why not make a phone call for them when they have not got the energy or fetch an aspirin and glass of water when they have a headache? If these are not gestures of love then what the heck are they?

Its actually easier to drop off on your way home and buy flowers than it is to surprise your partner with a little and unexpected gesture of love.