For those none northern types, mushy peas are marrowfat peas, soaked overnight and simmered for hours in a little sugar and salt. Not sophisticated, but dollop a spoonful next to your fish ‘n’ chips or Sunday roast and heaven awaits. Imagine a party taking place in your mouth and you just about have it.

Now, the best mushy peas were and are my mothers. Synonymous with listening to the Goons in our kitchen while we waited for my Dad to get back from his Sunday game of crown green bowling and a couple of pints at The Queen’s Arms.

I am making no other claims for my mum’s cooking as it has become clear over the decades that her hatred of bacteria has escalated to a degree where any foodstuff is boiled for five days before serving. It’s a bit like looking at a plate of porcelain fruit but in reverse. With porcelain, you take a bite and break a tooth. With my mum, it looks good and tasty but disintegrates on contact.

So why is the mushy pea the king of vegetables in my mum’s house?  It’s the fact that all the other veg are mushy but should be firm that wins the prize. At least the mushy pea complies with the trade description act and is what it is meant to be; mushy!

So is the mushy pea now dead? The answer is a resounding no despite the best attempts of Bachelors to popularise the tinned variety. My mum still does mushy peas the old fahioned way and now Nigella Lawson has jumped on the ‘real mushy peas’ bandwagon.

You learn something new every day running a over 50 dating site. The latest one is the name given to women who seek out sex with much younger men. Where on earth a ‘Cougar’ comes in rather than a tiger, lynx, panther, ocelot or lion, I have no idea. I may be the only bloke in britain who has never heard of a cougar and i have never been stalked by one. God knows I would have noticed because she would have to be seventy years old!

What’s your best over 50 dating date? Mine was simply this – a walk around the beautiful plumpton rocks with a beautiful woman and a bag of Werthers Original. Follow this up with a stroll around Harrogate, buying nothing but a pot of tea and some amazing Scones at Betty’s tea house. Then a bottle of red sat by the side of a bar watching the world go by before visiting a dress agency to buy three designer ties for £20 including a Vivienne Westwood! Next to Leeds to watch the Rhino’s followed by a lovely dinner with two good friends in a local Thai restaurant. Back to mine for …… (you can guess the rest)

So whats your best over 50 date?

Over several glasses of wine I had a conversation with my partner who I met online on a over 50 dating site, about what she finds  attractive in a man. She told me that this was this a universal truth with all her girlfriends. What prompted the conversation, was me feeling rather lucky to have pulled a cracker despite being of average looks myself. Truth is that in the past I always seemed to pull a cracker. Apparently it’s that difficult thing to define which falls generally under the heading of humour. Some call it cheek and she calls it being a bit of a naughty boy. This is not only the spoken word but apparently I “have a certain looking in my eyes” that works for her although I have no idea what ‘look’ she is on about. So there you have it that what helps make you attractive is to keep the schoolboy humour and attitude with you even when 50 plus.

Here’s a sample of stuff you never, never say to a woman when dating at 50 or any other age-

You remind me of my mother (bad).

You remind me of my ex wife (worse).

You remind me of my daughter (just weird)

You look different to your photo. Have you put on weight? (Idiotic)

How long ago was your photo taken? (Suicidal)

Your friend is really good looking. (A real date shortener)

Your daughter is good looking (as above but with an added slap thrown in)

You look like ******** in the movies before she lost her looks. A faded beauty. (Beer shampoo heading your way)

For women, think elephants. They never forget and anything you say can and will be taken down and used against you.

I would love to hear stories about your first love or your first date. Mine was aged nine and the object of my desire was Theresa Jones. Theresa and I won a competition at the school disco to discover who could do the twist the best. She won the girls and I won the boys and both of us were famous for a couple of days. The very next day I asked Theresa to marry me and presented her with a plastic ring from a lucky bag. She accepted and for a day all was well. The next day, she came to school without the ring and when challenged explained that she had buried it in her garden so her dad wouldn’t find out! Unfortunately she had forgotten where it was buried and had decided she liked Andrew Naylor more than me anyway, therefore the engagement was off.

Heartbroken for half a day I trudged off to meet my mates for footie. The course of true love never did run smooth!

You look like a ringer stood in for  your photograph = your photo doesn’t do you any justice at all

We have quite simply nothing in common at all = What a varied life you have led

You could bore for England = Excuse my yawning. It’s been a tough couple of days

Take a serious article. Translate it into French using Babelfish and then translate back to English. The result is usually preety amusing. At least I think so!

You knew that what you say to a person over 50 dating is only a part of the message that he receives from you? You most of knew that the messages that you send and receive are subconscious? He translated rough east average, underneath the sensation or sense level. Quiet laws of the attraction. The art to league together, is great to be ligón, he is even better to be ligón right. You do not have to be, attractive, devastating good in striking his covers of the eye, breasted great or rich. …. He makes the questions about the other person. He demonstrates sincerity, he is to put to go a date and to bomb to the other person with the intimate details of his own life. … Repetition the name of the person. The name of the people repeats when they are presenting/displaying to him. Hágalo again during the course of the conversation, and again when saying goodbye…. It demonstrates the sincerity, interest and it makes the other sensation of the significant person. It makes direct visual the contact with enemy immediate, eyes are the windows to the soul, they can establish privacy, it can take care of, or too much intruder, too much to soon can cause the misunderstanding, so it does not exaggerate it. Hearted is light; it remembers that the dating is supposed to be diversion.